insert explitive here

[chase_acow]

So like always when I feel guilty and embarrassed that I was supposed to do something and couldn't do it, I retreat away from posting anything. You know, why do I have time to do this, but not that other thing?!? Trying to get in the habit of giving myself the same grace I'd give others. I go back to work tomorrow after a roller-coaster of five days off, and I plan to finish out the couple of ficortreat surprises I still have outstanding.

My college football team is 3-6 and if I had to take a guess is going to miss going to a bowl game for the first time in 18 years. The coach is an ignorant piece of trash who complained that anyone complaining about this year's team is probably a failure at home and can't pay their bills. He offered up a shitty insincere apology the next day. We're never going to be rid of him because he's successful enough but such a whiny asshole in front of the media that no one else will hire him away. We pay him a shit ton so I'm not holding my breath on a buy out.

I gave up reading Jeff Vandermeer's new book Absolution - a prequel of sorts to the Southern Reach trilogy. The first part with the biologists was fine, but I do not care about Old Jim in the least and caught myself skimming trying to get to the good weird bits before I gave up and returned it to Libby. I'll try again later.

I am reading Scratch the Surface by Mary Calmes and enjoying it quite a bit. It's m/m love at first fuck, but as individual characters they are fleshed out, quirky people, who are not just interchangeable because they (unlike a bunch of these boilerplate romance books) actually have personalities. So their romance is a nice steady march toward trusting each other, and then the weirdest and most outlandish things happen to one of the characters to keep the pace and plot(?) going. IDEK but I like the two boys and I'm cheering for their happily ever after.



I kept a lid on my optimism until the very end when the Selzer poll came out about Iowa. There were so many republicans seemingly coming out of the wood work claiming they were voting for Harris. The Madison Square Garden rally seemed to break through all the noise and made people really mad. There were so many videos of his diminished rallies and her bursting to the seams and joyful rallies. Of course she's gonna win. Of course people have had enough of a mean, old, racist, disgusting rapist.

I turned off Dragon Age Veilguard to see the first votes come in, and then off and on until about 9ish or so and that was when CNN started getting sad and pessimistic.

Please don't think less of me, but I super can't do this right now. I am riding my wave of denial into the new year and for as far as it gets me. I unsubscribed from as many emails, podcasts, and social media accounts as I could and whatever happens is a problem for later. And later can always be later.

I'm gonna go play some more video games.