yays! and nopes. . .
Dec. 26th, 2019 09:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chase_acow
I had a really good 25th. Shift colluded on a meat/cheese/cracker snack smorgasbord that was fantastic. We ended up with homemade smoked duck, deer, and elk. I really liked the duck. I bought a lot of cheese, but my favorite there was the one rubbed with Earl Grey. Everyone spent most of their time downstairs in my dungeon and we partly watched A Christmas Story before I couldn't take anymore, and started looking for anything else. Found Die Hard followed by Die Hard 2 which was of course an instant win. A few other people brought by food and drinks, and we had a good time talking and laughing and making fun.
Perhaps I had too good of a time.
Because today when I was trying to get ready to drive the five hours to grandma's I had a complete meltdown at the thought of going through with it. I want to see my mom, I just can't stand grandma, am ambivalent about that uncle and aunt, and I hate that house.
Grandma is the most selfish person I know, she's mean to my mom, and sees no need to inconvenience herself or her stuff for anybody else's sanity. My little brother lived in a pink room with all her dolls, and pillows, and old person junk for over nine years because she didn't want to box it up and store it just in case she wanted to look at it. My mom has to climb up onto two mattress to sleep and move a box spring every time she wants in her closet because she was nice once and grandma took advantage. The house is a furnace. Every TV and radio is constantly on different channels at competing volume. Nobody there cooks, and I end up eating way too much fast food.
She's basically overfed every dog she's ever had to an early death, and won't let them be outside for more than five mins at a time. I have a big German Shepherd puppy. 1- her entire house is full of fun chewy wood and stuffed animals he would love to rip apart. 2- it's too hot to keep him inside. 3- he likes to be outside and I need the break of not watching him every second while he's outside. 4- he still is an unknown agent of terror when I try to leave him in a house. She will not let me leave him outside for any amount of time.
And I'm freaking out about presents. I just wish I could see Mom more than once a year and she had more of idea of who I am now. I wish she didn't live in a bedroom so I could get her some cool stuff she could use or hang up or whatever. It's just not fair that they badger me until I finally give them a list of what I want, but they won't do the same for me. I'd rather not do presents. My mom deserves nice things that she'd enjoy. I can't give them to her, and it's not fair to expect me to just take everything.
Mom called me back after I texted her I wasn't coming today. She's just so nice and understanding, her passivity is what got us into this situation, but she offered to go stay with me and the dog at her boyfriend's (idk what they are really) house. I really like him, and I hope he doesn't mind too much because I immediately said yes that's what I want. Grandma's gonna be pissed.
Perhaps I had too good of a time.
Because today when I was trying to get ready to drive the five hours to grandma's I had a complete meltdown at the thought of going through with it. I want to see my mom, I just can't stand grandma, am ambivalent about that uncle and aunt, and I hate that house.
Grandma is the most selfish person I know, she's mean to my mom, and sees no need to inconvenience herself or her stuff for anybody else's sanity. My little brother lived in a pink room with all her dolls, and pillows, and old person junk for over nine years because she didn't want to box it up and store it just in case she wanted to look at it. My mom has to climb up onto two mattress to sleep and move a box spring every time she wants in her closet because she was nice once and grandma took advantage. The house is a furnace. Every TV and radio is constantly on different channels at competing volume. Nobody there cooks, and I end up eating way too much fast food.
She's basically overfed every dog she's ever had to an early death, and won't let them be outside for more than five mins at a time. I have a big German Shepherd puppy. 1- her entire house is full of fun chewy wood and stuffed animals he would love to rip apart. 2- it's too hot to keep him inside. 3- he likes to be outside and I need the break of not watching him every second while he's outside. 4- he still is an unknown agent of terror when I try to leave him in a house. She will not let me leave him outside for any amount of time.
And I'm freaking out about presents. I just wish I could see Mom more than once a year and she had more of idea of who I am now. I wish she didn't live in a bedroom so I could get her some cool stuff she could use or hang up or whatever. It's just not fair that they badger me until I finally give them a list of what I want, but they won't do the same for me. I'd rather not do presents. My mom deserves nice things that she'd enjoy. I can't give them to her, and it's not fair to expect me to just take everything.
Mom called me back after I texted her I wasn't coming today. She's just so nice and understanding, her passivity is what got us into this situation, but she offered to go stay with me and the dog at her boyfriend's (idk what they are really) house. I really like him, and I hope he doesn't mind too much because I immediately said yes that's what I want. Grandma's gonna be pissed.
